Thursday, March 17, 2005

Stone Cold Scott . . .

That's what one of the mulleted former prosecutors on the Abrams Report passion play called Scott Peterson, sentenced to death today by some brave public servant. I won't link to any particular story because I believe that America's death penalty machine can only truly exist on TV, which may have been created solely to feed the vicarious frenzy of our pseudo-erotic state death obsession.

The people on Abrams tonight were very upset that Scott showed no emotion, surely a sign that he is the representative of a unique and most deplorable form of evil. The festivities did not bring him properly to orgasm.

My feelings about the death penalty are so strong I don't even want to get into it.

If the death penalty is here to stay, however, and I don't think it will go away anytime soon, as it is a vital component of the system of distraction and hallucination that makes Americans unfit for political turmoil, I would like to amend the death penalty process in one way:

When a jury comes down with a guilty verdict, and opts to apply the death penalty, each member is to undergo 24 hours of torture at the hands of a diverse admixture of CIA and Syrian/Saudi interrogators. As a true symbol of the gravity of their civic duty and their sense of justice, they will submit, by handing down the death penalty, to a day of vicious physical, mental and emotional abuse. It is a small price to pay for the assurance of justice served.

I am actually very curious to see what the result of this amendation would be. I wonder if death penalty verdicts would decline precipitously, or if the average American is even more masochistic than his or her voting tendencies imply.

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