Unzip In Case Of Emergency

The blog today comes live, as it has most of the summer, from the terrorist-targeted financial district of New York City. I was just handed an "emergency" pack that is in fact a fanny pack colored an alarming shade of red. Its contents include a gas mask, safety goggles, aspirin, an emergency blanket, and latex gloves. Yes, I am nervous, and no, I have no idea what to do with this stuff.