Thursday, September 16, 2004

Rating Vengeance

This article ought to stimulate discussion. I can think of a few important examples that are missing: towards the zero end of the scale, there is the Dude's frustrated attempt to get compensation for his miturated-upon rug that tied the room together; at the upper end, there is Justinian's so-thorough obliteration of the Vandals that no records of their culture, civilization, or language survive, there is my cousin Bruno Ackermann (several generations removed), who fled Germany in the early 1930s, came to the United States, joined Patton's army and interrogated German POWs, and there is also what's coming to a certain Canadian cradle-robber when I get my hands on him...assuming I can sack up enough not to care about consequences. Montezuma's Revenge is somewhere in the middle, though it gets penalty points for not singling out the Spanish.

Not too many ESPN articles have exigesis (exigeses?) like this:
After Britney cheated on him, not only did he dump her, he put out a best-selling album fueled by a song about their breakup in which he basically destroys her with the lyrics. Just an unbelievable piece of work. It's devastating. I can't even imagine what she did when she first heard it. And if that wasn't enough, he made a well-received video about the song, starring a Britney look-alike. And if THAT wasn't enough, he immediately started going out with Cameron Diaz. By the time he was done, Britney's career was in the tank -- she was chain-smoking and hanging out with backup dancers and white trash guys from her hometown. Now that, my friends, is vengeance. Bravo, Justin. Bravo.
I almost want to stand up and applaud, but then I remember that I would rather hear the death rattle of my only child than listen to "Cry Me A River" (apologies to David Cross for shamelessly ripping off his material. He's a great comic and you should buy this album).

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