How Not To Write About Alexander

Ben Shapiro (i.e. this Ben Shapiro) knows why Oliver Stone's Alexander bombed. It was apparently just too gay. Heh. And to think I ever believed the movie flopped because it was terrible.

In fact---are there any effete liberal Hollywood producers reading?---it might be a good idea to remove indefinitely any acknowledgement in any film that homosexuality exists: "This stuff doesn’t go over well with most Americans. Frankly, we don’t want to hear about it, and we’re definitely not going to pay money to see it." Got that? Most Americans (i.e. real Americans i.e. the Americans who count) have dug a little stream and they're on one side and gay media content is on the other. The only problem with the theory is that it's not true:

One of the shows most popular with Republicans, especially Republican women ages 18 to 34, turned out to be "Will & Grace," the sitcom about gay life in New York. As a result, while Mr. Bush was shoring up his conservative credentials by supporting a constitutional amendment against same-sex marriage, his advertising team was buying time on a program that celebrates gay culture.

(Read more here about the TV shows that real Americans like to watch. It's not all family channel.)

Some polemicists impose restraints on themselves like only trying to draw meaningful inferences from true antecedents. But Ben Shapiro has more guts than that. Hence:

Critics love films with homosexuality, but very few of those films go on to see great popular success. Since 1994, 17 actors and actresses have been nominated for Academy Awards for playing gay characters; meanwhile, every movie nominated for an Oscar since 1994 containing substantial homosexuality has fallen well-below the $100 million mark, except for “As Good As It Gets” and “American Beauty,” both of which were fueled by Oscar hype.

Makes sense, no? All the films "containing substantial homosexuality" (try to imagine the expression on Shapiro's face when he wrote those words) do poorly, except for the ones that do well. But those are driven by Oscar hype. Except for the ones that get Oscar hype and don't do well. QED. Or something.

What's the "family friendly fare" whose triumph over a very bad Oliver Stone movie Shapiro is so enraptured by? "“National Treasure,” “The Incredibles,” “Christmas With The Kranks,” “The Polar Express,” and “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.” [sic, sic, sic, sic, and sic. We use italics to offset film titles, sir--ed.]" In other words, three cartoons and two movies too bad for words. The is the same discriminating taste that covinced Shapiro that cutting his own hair without a mirror was the way to go. (I had to do it. Sorry. He looks 12.)