New At YDN...For The Last Time
This'll be my last column in the Yale Daily News, at least for the time being. I think this is a good note to sign off with (for those not around here: the backstory is, some Crazzzy Christers held an "I agree with Adam" festival last week, wherein attempts at missionary work were made and rejected. The whole thing was creepy and culty, but that hasn't ever stopped Christers in the past):
A fragment of a Lost Gospel, recovered from the banks of the Quinnipiac and translated into English from Ugaritic in the Year of Our Lord the Two Thousand and Sixth:...
"Indeed, if I may quote the Book of Ecclesiastes, 'There is nothing new beneath the sun.' The first coming of Adam at Penn State in 2000 was heralded several months earlier by a reborn John the Baptist, a sophomore (of course) at the University of Arizona named Dave Goffeney, who was the focus of his very own 'I agree with Dave' week. (Naturally is Adam descended from Dave, for was it not foretold that the Savior will be of the line of David?) The earthly ministry of Dave, in turn, was rooted in the teachings in the mythic past (1998) of the great lawgiver Tom Rickstren of the Humboldt State University Campus Crusade for Christ in California.
"Proclaiming an 'I agree with Tom' week, which he aptly described as a 'supernatural experience,' the prophet donned an 'I am Tom' shirt, no doubt in keeping with the revelation of God that he received atop Mount Shasta, California, known in all the lands as a mountain of mystery and terror. The Tablets of Tom are the Law of the Campus Crusade for Christ International, consisting in Four Commandments: '1) God loves you and offers a wonderful plan for your life. 2) Man is sinful and separated from God. 3) Jesus Christ is God's only provision for man's sin. 4) We must individually receive Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.'
"Behold, Adam comes not to abolish the Law, but to fulfill it: He believes 'There is a God who loves us.' He believes 'that every person … thinks and behaves in a way hostile to God, and this hostility separates us from Him.' He believes that Jesus Christ 'rose back to life, defeating death and making it possible for humanity to be reconciled back to God.' And He believes that it's 'up to us whether or not we accept this gift of reconciliation through Jesus.' It is a wicked and faithless man who would attribute the almost perfect resemblance between Adam's creed and the CCCI's Old Dispensation to dumb chance. As Jesus tells us in Luke 16:17, 'It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for one little stroke to drop out of the Law.'