O'Reilly Is An Asshole: O'Reilly Is A Smut Peddler Edition

From Bill's "novel" (I'm doing the quotation marks sign in the air right now):

Stripping off her bathing-suit, she walked into the huge shower. She pulled the lime green curtain across the entrance and then set the water for a tepid 75-degrees. The spray felt great against her skin as she ducked her head underneath the nozzle. Closing her eyes she concentrated on the tingling sensation of water flowing against her body. Suddenly another sensation entered, Ashley felt two large hands wrap themselves around her breasts and hot breathe [sic] on the back of her neck. She opened her eyes wide and giggled, "I thought you drowned out there snorkel man."

Tommy O'Malley was naked and at attention. "Drowning is not an option", he said, "unless of course you beg be [sic] to perform unnatural acts – right here in this shower."

You can follow this link for an audio clip of someone reading this crap and trying to keep a straight face.