How'd I Miss This?

Okay, not all that surprising considering that I only read townhall.com when somebody forwards me something particularly egregious, but I really ought to read Ben Shapiro more often. Bear in mind as you read what follows that this is not intentional self-parody:

It's no wonder that because of my outspoken advocacy of traditional morality in general and of virginity in particular, I've become a favorite target of Internet leftists, who often refer to me as "The Virgin Ben."

The Internet is riddled with writing like this: "In [Ben's] case, it is helpful to remember that some people choose celibacy, while others have it thrust upon them. Poor Ben. He no more chose abstinence than Clarence Thomas chose to be black." "The Virgin Ben also apparently has never had a really great Saturday night …" "The Virgin Ben, indeed. This guy's 'interview' so completely reeks of repression that I almost feel violated having read it. Like I stepped into someone else's wet dream. It's freakin' eerie, man." "You know I'm starting to feel sorry for this kid. I look into his future and I can see that not once is he ever going to get to have really good hot sweaty sex with Miss Scarlet in the parlor with a bottle of lube. That kind of sex may not approach godliness, but for a few brief moments and a lifetime of memories, it sure feels like it."

Such heated, inarticulate and unreasoned hatred for moral standards should not be shocking.

Why would Virgin Ben cite this stuff at such depressing (for him) length? It's almost as if he needs to get laid. Now, take a gander at his concluding call to action:

But the future is not yet lost. Social conservatives must not retreat and cloister themselves; they must fight back against the continuing destruction of standards. Together, we can restore America's innocence.

Or its hymen.

(Doff of the cap to Jamie Kirchick for cluing me into this.)