Official Rankings

While I was away, certain individuals posted their personal rankings of world religions in a comments thread. It just so happens that by virtue of being both a blood-sucking j-o-o-o-o-o JC-killer and a member of the traitorous liberal elite media, I get advance access to U.S. News and World Reports official annual standings on world religions. I haven't bothered to read the fine print of the report, but as I understand it, the rankings are based on a cumulative score across six categories. The first three count positively towards the final score: attitudinal aesthetics, ritual aesthetics, and approximation of The Truth. The second three count negatively: preposterousness of mythopoeia, preposterousness of metaphysics, and hostility towards empirical science. Scores are out of 100.

1. Self-Hating Judaism (99.3)

2. Zoroastrianism (94.9)

3. Regular Judaism (89.7)

4. Ancient paganism (85.3)

5. Modern paganism (75.6)

T6. Sufism (71.2)

T6. Sikhism (71.2)

T6. Taoism (71.2)

T9. Liberal Protestant Christianity (69.5)

T9. Shi'ite Islam (69.5)

T9. Buddhism (69.5)

T9. Hinduism (69.5)

T9. Confucianism (69.5)

T9. Shintoism (69.5)

T15. Sunni Islam (60.1)

T15. Orthodox Christianity (60.1)

T15. Post-modernism (60.1)

T15. Marxism (60.1)

19. Hare Krishna (52.2)

20. Conservative Protestant Christianity (45.7)

21. Mormonism (39.4)

22. Catholicism (36.9)*

23. Christian Science (32.0)

24. Ulster Unionist (Ian Paisley) Protestantism (23.6)

25. Satanism (19.5)

T26. Cult of St. Terri the Martyr (1.1)

T26. Objectivism (Cult of St. Ayn the Rational) (1.1)

DNP - Wahabbism

DNP - Scientology

*Catholicism is the only religion whose ranking has been dynamic in recent years and tabulators are considering splitting it into separate contenders: Vatican II (John XXIII) Catholicism, post-Vatican II Catholicism, Whatever lives up Josef Ratzinger's rectum Catholicism, and Gibson (pere et fils) Catholicism. Read more here.

N.B.: I didn't write the list. If it offends you, contact Michael Barone.