Hooking for a Strong America

As the New York Daily News reports, escort services are kicking operations into high gear in anticipation of the upcoming GOP convention (Hat tip: Wonkette).

Since I'm a betting man, it's time to lay some odds.

Odds of Rick Santorum requesting to get his ass torn up by a prostitute strapping on a big black prosthetic phallus:
1,000,000:1

Odds that I would donate 50% of my future earnings to some bullshit cause like world peace if doing so could make that happen (Santorum's violent strap-on ass banging):
1:1

Odds that someone at the convention will wind up staining his/her sheets with Santorum:
5:1

Odds that Rick Santorum's pre-Enlightenment sexual ethics are a symptom of repressed polyandrous homoerotic lust:
2.5:1

Odds that Michael Bloomberg will bang a prostitute inside a Mr. Softee Truck:
30:1

Odds that lobbyists do even more sucking off of conventioners than the call girls outside:
3:1

Odds that the lobbyists are better and more experienced fellators (and fellatrixes; far be it from me to be sexist):
1.5:1

Odds that the prostitutes do more to keep their dignity intact than the delegates:
4:1

Odds that one of the delegates will request that a prostitute actually hum that horrific Lee Greenwood song while giving him a hummer:
10:1

Odds of an attending televangelist giving in to temptation:
.75:1

Odds that said televangelist will figure out a way to blame it on sinful New York City:
2:1

Odds that Hannity and Colmes will pay to double-team a hooker:
100:1

Odds that, if they do, Colmes will be forced to watch Hannity do her:
.5:1

Odds of John McCain's head exploding during the convention:
7:1

Odds that it will happen on live TV
50:1