Mary Cheney Savage

Laughing out-fucking loud at Dan Savage's latest column. Here's the coup-de-gras:

Q. If they ever put language in the U.S. Constitution forcing gay guys to marry women, who would get to be the lucky Mrs. Savage? —JUST CURIOUS

A. Wonkette, of course, as she's the only woman I know who likes to talk about ass-fucking as much as I do (wonkette.com). If Wonkette won't have me, then I'd pop the question to Mary Cheney, Vice President Dick Cheney's lesbo daughter. Mary worked for the Bush-Cheney campaign in 2000, doing outreach to gay and lesbian voters—effective outreach, apparently, as almost 25 percent of gay and lesbian voters went for Bush. (You dumb fucks!) Mary's working for her dad again this year, despite the fact that her dad and her dad's boss want to write anti-gay bigotry into the U.S. Constitution. As Mary's husband, I would do all I could to make her absolutely miserable. I wouldn't beat her (I reserve that for people I like), but I would pee on the toilet seat every morning, fart under the covers every night, and remind her at every opportunity that she's the most despised American lesbian since Mamie Eisenhower.