We're Here, We're Not Queer, But We're Close...Get Used to It

Comedy Central reran the "metrosexuals" episode (that's probably not the actual title) of South Park last night. I've got a few things to say about it, but I want to preface my remarks by making it clear how absolutely hilarious that episode is. Only after you accept that do my criticisms have any relevance. Anyway:

1) The way the men of South Park dressed, spoke, and behaved was not "metrosexual;" it was totally, flamingly, Castro-Street-on-a-swelteringly-hot-gay-pride-day faggoty. Metrosexual heteros don't refer to each other as "girlfriend" or "honeybuns," they don't wear shirts with pink triangles on them, and sure as shit don't complain when others imply that they are straight. The whole basis of "metrosexuality," such as it is, is a kind of ambiguous vibe impervious to gaydar. I will say, however, that the show got one thing (possibly by accident) spot on about metrosexuals: the majority of men who could be described as metro are a lot more vain and superficial than the majority of gay men. I often think I too could be a metrosexual if I weren't so damn lazy [with the bodybuilding thing, you're already halfway there--ed.] [Maybe so, but as a friend from the class of 2004 would say, you have to be "this much gay" to go to Yale in the first place---in any case it's a moot point because I'm unwilling to do extensive non-face shaving.].

2) Neither metrosexuals nor homosexuals are definitionally wussified. The implication of the show, unfortunately, is that any man who embraces good grooming habits (too enthusiastically) would be so afraid of messing up his clothes, hair, or tan that he would be incapable of defending his family in the event of an invasion by crab people (don't ask).

3) Not all gay people are stereotypes. Does this have to be emphasized? They're not all Carson Kressley wannabes. Caring about your looks doesn't necessarily add points to your gay quotient.

3a) Hence, men trying to prettify themselves a bit is not the equivalent of the annexation of black culture by whites. Moreover, gay people are not deliberately trying to make themselves different from the rest of society---which is what Mr. Garrison claims on the show. In fact, the whole point of the movement for gay marriage rights is to erase some of the distinctions between gay and straight.

That said, it was an incredibly funny episode. I couldn't stop either cringing or laughing when Kyle got taunted and beaten up for acting too hetero ("Hey butchie," "What's the matter macho man," etc...).